New Moms And Pagan Spirituality: Baby Changes Everything
(Including the Ways You Practice Your Religion)
By Juniper Wolf of The Soccer Moms’ Guide to Wicca.
It’s nine in the evening. There are dirty dishes and baby bottles piled in the sink. A mountain of clothing–-every bit of it stained with baby spit-up–-flows out of the hamper onto the floor. The Diaper Genie™ needs to be emptied, while the baby-wipes warmer needs to be refilled. The monitor is on the bedside table, little red LED lights flickering to the sounds of baby’s gentle breathing and dreamy little whimpers. You notice none of this, however, as you lie where you collapsed ten minutes ago, passed out from sheer exhaustion.
Several months ago, you were excited by your pregnancy, thrilled by the new goddess-like proportions of your body and the divine spark of life inside you. Perhaps you performed solitary rituals focused on the health, joy, and wisdom of your little-one-to-be. Maybe your coven or circle celebrated with you, heaping blessings on you as you drummed and danced together. You might have meditated every day, written in your journal or Book of Shadows, or used Tarot cards or other methods of divination.
Now that the baby has arrived, every spare moment is devoted to caring for her, doing household chores, and napping. You’re lucky if you can grab an occasional shower. In the meantime, your ritual tools sit on a shelf, collecting dust. Ditto your Book of Shadows or journal. You barely see your coven or circle mates—-or anyone else, for that matter—-and your meditation practice has gone out the window. Maybe you keenly feel the lack of spiritual practice in your life. More likely, you feel just plain tired, but you know that maintaining your practice would be good for you. You just can’t figure out how to make that happen.
It’s time to re-examine your practice and make it work for you. In my own tradition, we have a saying: “Whatever works.” This doesn’t mean that you can throw any old beliefs or rituals together and have an effective spiritual practice. It does mean that various ritual elements can work differently for different people, or even for one person at different periods of her life. This is what it means to be religiously eclectic.
A simple example of this would be the use of color correspondences to represent the different elements. There is quite a variety out there that deviates from the standard yellow-air/red-fire/blue-water/green-earth. I’ve seen lots of color combinations that mean little to me, but that have significance for the practitioner using them—including one solitary who used a different shade of blue for each element. This monochromatic scheme resonates with her far deeper than other, more popular correspondences, making her rituals and magical work that much more effective for her.
Another, more apropos example would be the use of informal or impromptu rituals to replace formal, structured ones. Pagan spiritual practice, in my experience, is about mindfulness. You don’t need to wield an athame or cast a circle to achieve that. All it takes is openness, willingness, and purposefulness.
It’s been a while since I’ve been a new mom, but things haven’t gotten any less hectic now that my kids are older. I struggle to incorporate spirituality into my life, too. Every morning, as I’m driving my kids to school, we look at the sky and talk about what we see: its color, its clarity or haziness, the shapes of its clouds. We observe the quality of the sunlight and how it casts shadows on the earth. This takes all of five minutes, requires no tools other than our eyes, mouths and minds, and helps us feel connected to Earth and to one another. It sets the tone for the day to come and puts us in a state of mindfulness that helps keep us grounded throughout the craziness of our day.
I’ve become less ambitious about my meditation practice, as well. Whereas I used to try to meditate for at least twenty or thirty minutes a day, now I’m satisfied with five or ten minutes, three to five times a week. It took a while before I could feel as though this constituted a successful practice, but I’ve learned to let go of the idea of perfection and to reap the benefits of meditation any way I can. I make the most of the time I have.
The same goes for writing in my journal, for meeting with coven mates, and for just about any spiritually related practice I could name. Doing these things less often, but with gratitude and mindfulness, allows me to infuse a fulfilling level of spirituality into my life, while removing any guilt I might have felt over letting my practice fall by the wayside.
In order to be a good parent for your child, you must take care of yourself. Sleep when you need to sleep, and bathe when you need to bathe. Keep your house in order so that you derive comfort from your personal space. Meet with friends and family members to keep you from feeling isolated and alone. Cuddle your precious baby, and let love flow between you. Whenever you can, let yourself be mindful of Earth, nature, and divinity. Don’t cram yourself into a mold that no longer works for you. Be creative, and find ways to practice your Pagan spirituality that fit your new life as a parent.
