A Pagan’s Journey to Foster Care and Adoption
LADY NOOGS
My husband and I decided to adopt. After years of not being blessed by a pregnancy and after a little testing, we had almost given up. Beltane 2004 I assumed the role of the Goddess in a ritual with a few friends to celebrate. Two days later I saw a sign, a literal and figurative sign, it was a flyer put up by a woman I would get to know. I saw the sign from my county’s children’s services looking for families willing to adopt and foster children. The Goddess had given me a sign, and unlike many other signs, I listened this time.
I went home to my husband, who has always been critical of anything organized or dealing with the government, and told him about it. He was supportive as usual and said it couldn’t hurt to call, but don’t get my hopes up. Thus began our journey into something no one else in my family has ever done, and most would never have even considered. I called children’s services and asked for the adoption people. A sweet sounding woman named Tracy answered, she would later become our case worker. I asked a few questions that I was nervous about: How much money do we need to make? We rent our home will that be ok? We are young (28 and 32), will that be a factor? We have significant school debt, is that a problem? Tracy answered that the state of Ohio does not discriminate against people because of how little or much money they make, whether they rent or own, or age, as long as we were over 19 and had lived in the state for 5 years we could apply. I did not ask the religion question at that time, I’m Pagan (Wiccan) and my husband is agnostic.
Everyone makes the decision to adopt differently, everyone has different motives and hopes. He had always wanted to help children who have had a hard time, because many times he thinks he should have been removed from his abusive home. His heart was in it because of that. My heart has always gone out to children, and the Goddess had given me a way to become a mother and to help the children in need in my area. I feel She didn’t give me a biological child because She wanted me to find my path, my reason for living. I always knew that I was born to be a mom, but I also don’t believe in fertility treatments.
According to Adoptuskids.org there are currently 530,000 children in foster care. The Dave Thomas Foundation reports that 126,000 of those are waiting to be adopted from foster care. These children rang from birth to 17 years old. Most children age out of the system if they are not adopted by age 12. That means once they turn 18 they are out of their foster homes and most never look back. They have never found their “forever family” they are out in the world alone for the most part.
These children come into the foster care system for many reasons. Some of these reasons are physical abuse, sexual abuse, neglect and most are taken away by the court. A few however are surrendered voluntarily by their parents to the state without a fight. If they are never adopted many are moved from foster home to foster home for whatever reasons until they age out. Many are adopted by their foster parents in what in many states is called a “foster to adopt” program. Many are put onto a state website or database like adoptuskids.org for waiting families to find and submit and interest form to the child’s worker and they find homes that way. What all these kids have in common is that they deserve a good home, a permanent home, a forever family.
There are a few myths surrounding adoption. I, for one, believed most of them. The biggest one seems to be the expense. Most people have heard adoption cost from $10,000 to $50,000. While in some cases that is true, it is not always true. These adoptions are usually through private agencies and infant adoptions. Some of the more expensive adoptions are international adoption of infants through private agencies. When I called my local children’s services I found out that we could adopt for practically nothing, that they covered the adoption of a special needs child from our state or another state agency. They would even reimburse up to $2000 of our legal and travel expenses. She also told me that some of the local attorneys will bill them and not us. (I have to say here that state and local policies vary, call your local children’s service agency to find out your local policy.)
The term special needs, honestly, what did you think of when you read the term? If you were like me you thought that special needs meant that they had some severe disability right? Wrong, that leads us to another myth. For the purpose of adoption the state of Ohio (and most states) defines special needs “has at least one of the following needs or circumstances that present barriers to his placement in a family: is part of a sibling group who should be placed together; is a member of a minority or ethnic group; is six years old or older; has waited for a permanent placement for more than one year; has a medical condition, physical impairment, metal retardation, or developmental disability; has an emotional disturbance or behavioral problem; has a social or medical history or background which places the child at risk of acquiring a medical condition, or physical, mental, or developmental disability or disorder; or has experienced multiple placements.”
Religion is was my biggest worry. I thought that because I was Pagan we may be scrutinized more than others. Although we were asked about our religion the reason why we were asked was because we were brought up Christians and they wanted to know why we had deviated from our upbringing. I will admit I did not say I was Pagan. I told our case worker that I was agnostic (as my husband is) . The reason was not because I am afraid that it will hinder my adoption, but because I am still in the broom closet. The reason I did not fully disclose is because a Christian first cousin works in the same office as a child protective officer. When the topic of religion came up we simply explained we did not practice any organized religion and that is all they need to know. It was accepted and nothing more came of it.
Another myth I bought into was that the homestudy process was long and tedious and difficult. Long, well yes, difficult and tedious, not really. Our homestudy process seems to be typical of state adoptive homestudies, from what the members of an online state adoption support group I belong to have told me. After Tracy sent me the thick envelope with adoption policies and we read them I called her back and we signed up for parenting classes (in some states they are called MAPP classes) . The classes were for both adoptive and foster parents. It covered everything from how to detect abuse and neglect to what these children can go through. We went through and studied some case studies and learned non-violent discipline methods (most states prohibit the physical punishment of foster children) .
When the classes were over we submitted an application, simple general information asking about how old we were, our social security numbers, job history, divorce history. When our application was approved we had to get fingerprinted and sign a release for our federal, state and local criminal history. Then we had our first home visit from our case worker, Tracy.
She came into our home and asked us two hours worth of questions, just getting to know us and asked us to each write a biography of our lives. My husband mentioned his abuse and that was seen as a plus because he has worked through it and would be able to sympathize and help a child through it. We also filled out a simple financial statement. She looked at it and told us that we could even get some grants if we were to adopt monthly to help out. She came out to the house two more times and got to know us. We also had to get physicals signed by our family practitioner. Then we made an appointment to see the psychologist at children’s services for her opinion of us, we saw her individual and as a couple. We also had to give three references who were all asked to answer some questions about us in the form of a letter.
When that was done we had our safety audit. The safety audit is what most people worry about. It wasn’t a white glove test, she simply made sure we had a crib (because we want an infant to 5 years old) , a suitable car seat and that our house and yard are safe. It wasn’t anything to worry about. Then we had a fire inspector out to make sure it was safe from fire. Then our homestudy was over. Now we are simply waiting for it to be typed up and signed, this I am told, is the longest, hardest part of the homestudy process.
Since we began we have decided to foster to adopt which means that we will foster children until they go home or are surrendered over to the state. We know it will be difficult if a child goes home, but we will be able to guide them and heal them from whatever circumstance they come from. We have also decide to continue to foster after we do adopt.
Fostering and/or adoption is not for everyone. But there are other things you can do to help. You can become a member of CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) . CASA is a “volunteer child advocate appointed by the court to act as a Guardian ad Litem for a child who is the subject of dependency, neglect, or abuse complaint.” You can call your local children’s services and ask if they need volunteers for something. You can donate used or new toys, clothing, baby gear and supplies to your local children’s organization. Or at the very least, if you see signs of abuse or neglect please report it (call your local police, sheriff or children’s protective agency immediately) . We have to watch out for the Goddess’ children because sometimes no-one else is watching.
If you are interested in adoption or foster care or CASA please call your local Children Service Agency. If you want more information online there are many websites I suggest www.adoptuskids.org, www.davethomasfoundation.org, or your state website.
