A Journey in Homeschooling

BARBARA HEDGEWITCH

Autumn 1999

The autumn rains and shorter days bring about a change in our lives. We begin to draw in, spending less time outdoors, more time around the hearth. Our homeschooling gets a bit more formal, with 11 year old John taking some classes offered by our local district, and me giving him a written list each day with things to do. Radical unschooler that I am, he does better with more structure. I had to be the one to adjust, and give him what's better for him. There is still plenty of time in our days to pursue spontaneous interests.

We cherish the rare sunny, crisp days, and get out to hike when we can, gathering up samples of beautiful fallen leaves to take home and iron between sheets of waxed paper. We put these "stained glass" creations in our windows for a festive effect, a reminder of the sunny days gone bye.

We munch on crisp, homegrown apples, drink apple cider, and relish the fruits of this harvestime while we begin to plan the children's Halloween costumes. Last year John went as a "LEGO Guy", with a painted box for a body and another as his hat. We painted gallon milk jug tops and glued them on as the LEGO buttons. In a previous year, he went as a robot, with silver painted box body and head, flexible dryer vent tubing for arms, and TV rabbit ears on his head. We decorated the box with various reflectors and metal jar lids. He was a big hit when he went out trick or treating.

Raven went as herself: a Raven. She wore a black sweatsuit, and I made her a cape of black felt feathers, with a black eyemask with real feathers and a great huge black beak. This year she will wear the clown costume I made for John when he was 4, complete with neck ruffle and bright red yarn hair peeking out from the hat. John has flatly stated that he's tired of wearing boxes, so we'll have to get more creative this time.

Autumn is such a bittersweet time for me. I loved it when I was younger; the changing of the seasons, the beautiful colors, the harvests. It all changed quite suddenly for me late one October night, when a drunk driver killed my first husband. He was only 28, I was 25. After that, autumn was difficult for me. For a long time I couldn't see the beauty in the changing of the seasons, only the sadness and death of everything around me. I became the Crone then, for awhile. That was truly my loss of childhood and innocence.

At the time of his death, I had no real spiritual beliefs, neither had he. I had him cremated, and kept his ashes. Fifteen years and one understanding husband later, I was finally ready to let him go for good, and with the help of some very good friends, I buried his ashes at the base of a baby hemlock tree in the mountains, in view of a lovely waterfall. By then I had remarried and had one child.

Slowly, with the arrival of my children, I started to regain my joy in the season. Now the joy outweighs the sorrow, although the wound in my soul is still somewhat tender, and probably always will be at this time of year. I try to find my balance by going wild with the festivity of making the children's costumes and decorating the house, while at the same time honoring my dead with the Samhain altar and taking some time to commune with them. May you find your balance this season as well.